It has always been a dream of mine to give a college commencement address. This either means that I have something to say, or that I THINK I have something to say, hopefully more the former than the latter. Stephen Chu, the current secretary of energy, gave the speech at Washington University this weekend. When I graduated from Calvin College, President Bush gave our speech.
Anyway, because I may never have the chance to give a real commencement speech, I thought I would put down some words in a venue I know I can be published (immediately)… this blog!
* * * * *
Class of 2010, before I say anything else, let me say this… Congratulations! Yours is an accomplishment worth savoring!
Congratulations on spending four plus years of your life accumulating knowledge, theories, and various ways of parsing the world. Congratulations on leaving that weird microcosm called high school and entering another especially unique place in college. You formed and dissolved relationships. You made hard choices about what paths are worth pursuing in a career. You learned to learn, you separated from your parents (to varying degrees of success), and you captured new ways of seeing the world and your place within.
Class of 2010, I say with confidence that you have more knowledge today than when you first came to this university nearly four years ago.
But as proud as you should be of those accomplishments, I hope you know this as well: this knowledge is a potentially necessary, but clearly insufficient condition of success in the game of life. And that which you DO NOT YET KNOW will be that which you will most need to survive what is to come.
This is a hard for me to say and be heard, because whether you admit it or not, there words will fall on deaf ears. They did for me at least. It is not that I did not listen, though that may be true as well. Rather, it is that I did not understand what was being said… the words could not grow into a personal understanding because they needed the nourishment only found in the mud, rain and sun of the world in all its starkness and strangeness… something I cannot give you from a podium on this May afternoon. They needed to grow into an understanding in the wilderness that we all enter when we walk out of these hallowed halls.In some real way, you won’t know what I really mean until you stand naked, broken and face-to-face with the world as it is and as it could be.
But let’s move closer to that understanding by playing a bit of a mind game. Let’s think of all that you might go through in the next stages of your life:
You will make friends, and will feel yourself grow away from those you cannot imagine being apart. You will have success in your jobs, and you will have days when you wish you were 16 again because of the frustrating reality of bureaucracy, intellectual stagnation, and catty colleagues. You may not be able to have children even if you want them, and you may lose them in tragedy. If you are fortunate enough to see them grow, you will be simultaneously more disappointed and more proud than you can ever imagine in this moment. You will fall madly in love, and you will grow disillusioned as that person comes to light both in the reality of their glory and ugliness. You will question the beliefs of your parents. You will question your own deepest convictions. In the next few years you will enter a world that is much more like a blank canvas than the linear path you forged to get here– elementary to middle to high school filled with ACT prep, graduation requirements, all bathed in tangible metrics of success.
Hearing this should be both exciting and scary as hell.
But do you want to know the real scary part? Try telling me what the knowledge you accrued so far will do for you in those moments? Economics majors… you know how to beautifully model behavior with econometrics, and you know of a positive relationships between supply and demand. But what does your knowledge do in the moments of choice where answers don’t flow neatly from description? Psychologists out there, you know of dual process models of cognition, and ways to isolate causality by way of controlled labratory experiments. But do you know how to live, cry and continue to dream through, in-spite of, and because of future moments of desolation? Literature majors, you have read the great novels, and you can explain their themes by way of marxism, post-modernism, post-structuralism, any of the various -isms. But what happens when you become like the character that you studied from afar, when it is not so easy to move from the events you experience to a clear plot, and it feels impossible to see obvious meaning amidst pain?
In these moments, our knowledge falls sadly short of our high expectations. But if it is not this knowledge that helps us– at least not directly– how will we respond?
While I hate oversimplifications, there is one I learned in the few short years after college that I think is helpful for understanding our common dilemma. I have come to see that there are two types of people in the world– the romantic and the realist– and neither posture is sufficient for making it through all we will face.
The romantic sees the beauty in life. She continually sees the upside. While the romantic often has an over-inflated sense of the importance of their own story, this can be comforting in that the story is woven beautifully. He is a dreamer, and these dreams become so interwoven with one’s vision of the future and experience of the present that they often cannot be separated. I have a bit of the romantic in me.
But the problem with the romantic view is that it is an abstraction, a move away from reality. Take love, one place where this view is exceedingly obvious. Sometimes relationships work out and sometimes they do not, but in either case you are breaking bread with people who are far from perfect, those who stand on the far side of Eden. While romantic films cloak the imperfection of another in a cute quirkiness, if you ever get to know real people who let you see themselves in vulnerability, you will realize that this view of the world ignores the fact that people and their personalities sometimes (often?) rub us the wrong way, and we them. The romantic view of work is also flawed. I have had several romantic friends in Teach for America who expected the world of education to change immediately upon their arrival. But they have left disillusioned upon bumping up against the structures of injustice, and the inertia of inaction. Romanticism is flawed in that it is an escape from reality.
On the other hand, we have realists. The realists see the world as it is. They do not pull away even if it is hard. They sing of the naivety of graduation speeches that tell them they will change the world. They cringe at romantic movies, and they often see the religious, the idealists and the artists as sadly delusional. I have a bit of the realist in me.
But the problem with the realist is exactaly the opposite. If the romantic fails to see the world as it is, the realist cannot view the world as anything but broken, bruised, and bleeding. Cognitively, when people are in the midst of depression– negative realism to the extrem– their brain lacks a stability of serotonin and norepinephrine, which shapes the way they interpret events in their experience. We see a bit of what this looks like experientially in Vincent Van Gogh’s famous 1890 painting “At Eternity’s Gate.” In it, an old man sits in pale blue pajamas and weathered leather boots, head drooped in his hands. His eyes do not turn towards good memories, nor can they see the beauty of the crackling fire next to his chair. He does allow himself to dream of what may be. His focus is singular, blinding, and selfish. If romanticism is an escape from reality, realism, in a very real sense, is a narrowing of reality.
A friend of mine, and the head of the catholic student center at Washington University put it this way: all relationships move in three stages, from infatuation to disillusionment to choice. This being said, the romantic lives for infatuation, and their world seems most true when this vision comes into focus. But when the world becomes more complex than our rosy views of it, the disillusionment can become harrowing. The realist on the other hand cannot see enchantment in the world, its flattened, as the philosopher Charles Taylor writes. While the highs of their infatuations and lows of their disillusionment might be less extreme, I think they lose a depth in life that comes from seeing it not just as it is but also as it can be.
Class of 2010, know that while these are the two paths of least resistance, dispositions towards which we might naturally gravitate one way or another, they are not the ways of wisdom. If there is anything I have learned since I walked across the stage at my own graduation, flipping my tassel from right to left, it is that it is not enough to be a realist or a romantic alone, and that the way of wisdom must be forged somewhere in between.
But what stands between realism and romanticism, towards what goal shall we march on? Only unconditional love. Only a posture of seeing which cannot turn away from flaws (in ourselves, in others, in our goals), but also knows that this is not the end of the story.
Life is a series of relationships– with ideals, with communities, with friends, with jobs and with lovers. Do not believe the stories of the romantics who try to obscure these relationships from their complexity, who cannot stand the messiness. See the world as it is, and move courageously towards moments and people and experiences that will shatter your expectations. All the same, do not believe the pessimistic rants of those who narrow reality to what is currently, or even a view of what in the deterministic space where our dreams and the actions they inspire have no consequences. See the world in its fullness, but know that fullness is more than what is here now, that words matter, and that the transcendent has to be named as such to be made living and dancing among us. Do not love in these varying relations on conditions that they are easy, in the very least because you know that you are not easy to love. Move towards the world in a belief that there is beauty in complexity, and wisdom forged in pain.
Class of 2010, go knowing that while you leave with knowledge, you must be prepared to search for the narrow space between naive romanticism and narrow realism if you are to find wisdom. Move slowly towards loving in relationship of all forms (the world, your passions, your friends and loves) without conditions. Pour yourself into impossible passions, knowing that you can fail because the world, at the end, does not rotate on your axis. Live as the poet whose words do not pull them away from reality, but more deeply into it, into a “complete saturation of the actual” as Christian Wiman writes. Class of 2010, while I know that you go forth in knowledge, I hope you hold out your hands ready to reap the wisdom found when you engage what is real and what is hard with dreams of what will be and what does matter.





